the good things in life

Lately I have been feeling a little blah. I haven't had my car for about 6 months now, and having 2 kids and no car really sucks! I always felt bad for the moms who had to take the bus or walk everywhere or ask millions of people for rides, and then how inconvenient that had to be! Well i am now one of them now, and i hate every second of it. I feel like my poor kids are deprived of the outside world. And not the mention that duh its summer time. I should be glad that i am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with both my kids for the summer and enjoy them. But lately i just feel miserable and well I'm not sure what else. All i know is that i shouldn't be feeling and acting this way. Why? Do i have reasons to act this way? Maybe, but it doesn't matter i should be sucking it up and enjoying my life, cause its really not that bad, not even close. I have been trying to think positive lately and really think about the things that i have, and what if i didn't have these things/people. So i think I'm going to make a list of the things and people that i have in my life and wouldn't know what to do without...

• Well First has to be Nate. I hate the word boyfriend cause i feel like a 12 year old in middle school, so he is my other half, my rock, my pain in the ass, the reason for just about everything that i have. He drives me crazy and sometime i cant stand to be in the same room with him, but isn't that how it goes? We have become so alike in the past 4 years we have been together which is mostly the reason we drive each other crazy sometimes. But he tells me how it is and is a complete ass to get the point across most of the time,but he has taught me lots of things and has become my best friend, and someone i cant imagine my life without.

• This little girl right here was one of the best things to ever happen to me! She has taught me things about love and even myself, that i never thought possible. My heart just exploded with love when she was born. I'm not sure if its the mother daughter relationship that bonds us so close but she has become the sunshine in my life! She is the complete opposite of Codie and is just the smartest most amazing person ever! and she is only 18 months old. She is so smart and makes me so proud every day even if she is carrying chairs around the house to get up on things and open doors, its those troublesome things that also make me so proud of my smartyants. She is my mini me and the person that has made my life complete. 

• And this handsome sweetheart is my other rock! This kid is just amazing and yet a huge pain in my ass. He is almost 5 and doesn't listen. I feel like all day i yell at him and i feel so bad, and some days i feel like I'm not cut out for this mom thing. Then this amazing little boy hugs me and says " I love you mommy". I need to start appreciating this little boy and start to understand that he is only 5 and that's what they do, be bratty. This kid holds the key to my heart, and he knows it and always will. 

• I am also so thankful that we have our own apartment that is big enough for all of us! With 2 kids everything seems to be so cluttered and messy but hey i don't care, as long as i have my own living room bathroom and bedrooms for all of us i am a happy camper. we lived in a really small 2 bedroom apt for like 2 years and i was miserable there was no spare room and that made me sooo miserable. i have totally been a little bit more relaxed since we moved to our bigger place and feel like i can breathe a little better, I feel bad for people who have kids and are living with their parents. God how do u do it? I would go insane, if i had someone else to deal with and live under someone else's roof with their rules and their own way of living! I owe everything again to my other half for giving me our own place and a place to breathe and enjoy our beautiful family!

So maybe I'm just rambling again but i really need to start thinkg positively about the things that i have in my life every day rather than think about the things that i don't have or wish that i did! I have the most important thing i guess and that my family, and that's all i really need!