Thursday, July 22, 2010

Poo Flinger

We have a little splash pool about 2 minutes from our house. When i say little yeah its little, its a one foot i think sorta swimming pool, and then a mushroom sprinkler that the water is freaking freezing and its just fun to watch the un-expecting kids run through it and then go into shock because the water was so cold. NE ways, i like to take the kids there after dinner and  before bed to blow off some steam and run around and get nice and tired. It seems to work and i love it! McKenzie hasn't really been thrilled with the water as its her first "real" summer so its all still new. So she just likes to walk up and down the couple stairs in the pool area. On this day she just wanted to vedge out and be mommies pretty princess and sit in my lap and eat some fish while we watched codie be the ladies man in the pool. Since we were at the pool obviously mo had on a stupid swimmy diaper( yes i HATE these things). As we were having fun eating goldfish and mommy was people watching and listening to the people next to us talk or rather bitch about texting. They were bitching about how nothing is in normal English any more and that kids are going to be stupid and blah blah blah. I noticed that my shorts were wet but figured it was water cause we are at the pool! But nope it wasn't water... Yes you guessed it, Those awesome swimmy diapers let every thing other than the chunky stuff right out of the diaper. I don't Even know why they are called diapers, they should just be called poo catchers. OK so back to my story, Jesus maybe some time tonight i will get to my disturbing swimmy diapers story. Damn there i go again..... Ok NE WAYS........ so when i realized it wasn't water and cursing sorta loud and of course the bitchers next to me gave me a dirty look and i was waiting for them to change there subject from texting to potty mouth mommies. So as I'm cursing about having piss all over my shorts i then realize that she of course pooed, cause it suddenly smelled like i was in a barn. Yes its true my beautiful daughter smells like a farm or barn whatever smells worse. I'm sure she will tell all her boyfriends when she is 30 that she doesn't poo but i will just send them a link to this and she wont date again till 40! ha ha so any ways now I'm also cursing about her shitting and smelling so bad, so i try to gather up a diaper and clothes and then go get Codie to warn him that we are leaving. Well by the time i get back to moo to change her, my bird brain fails me again and i some how forget she pooed and then PULLED her diaper off! If any of you use these diapers you know to rip the side open which makes a much easier removal. So when i say that i pulled it off yes i pulled with some force cause its wet and sticking to her legs . While pulling the diaper off i suddenly said "Oh my Effing God" and at that second my night was ruined and i was disgusted and ready to run home! If you can handle poo talk then read on but if not please find another blog that wont make u gag right now! ha ha.... dun dun dun so did u guess what happened??. I got poo flung at me!I  have been a mom for 5 years now and a big sister for 16 and this was my first poo flinging experience. It was like slow freaking motion and you couldn't move away! i had a turd on my foot/flip flop, i had a piece of carrot on my shirt and a piece of corn in my hair,(i told you it was gross). I'm praying that i got all the "pieces" off of me and i didn't look like an even bigger scum bag. This was one of those situations that you don't know what to do right away, you want to snatch up the kids and run away, another piece of you wants to just cry, or you could be like me and laugh your ass off! I laughed so hard, well after the initial shock that i just got poo flung at me by this so-called diaper. Then while I'm laughing of course moo starts cracking up and starts wailing around. I literally had to tackle her to put her diaper on, and this time a regular diaper was strapped to her ass! Man i was laughing just reading that again and bringing back that memory. I'm hoping to always think before i take off a swimmy diaper now and no hope to god i never get poo flung at me again@  


  1. LOL@corn in your hair. Hope thats never me!

  2. Hey! Thanks for stopping by and following. I'm now following you back. Go enjoy some Domino's now...especially after that story. LOL