Sunday, September 26, 2010
I need to vent or cry, or do something!
OK so i'm going to vent in this post because, well just because i really need to.So this might be all over the place and just plain old might not make sense. I don't really have any one to talk to so i guess ill get my thoughts and what not into the cyberspace~! As everyone knows i have 2 kids, 5 and 19 months. My 5 year old is in school daily till 4 and it has been awesome, because otherwise he would be driving me crazy, Is that a bad mom thing to say? I don't know what it is with me this past year or so. I feel crazy i cant keep cool i feel like i scream and yell all day long. My 19 month old is so spoiled that is becoming a problem now. If she doesn't get what she wants she will carry on for hours if i let her. Like most kids they can be redirected and would forget about whatever the problem was, well not my kid. She will fight and fight for whatever it is she wants for days. Well its causing lots of issues with me and my boyfriend. He is home in the mornings and works at night. while he is home in the morning, half the time we don't talk even talk because he gets mad that i'm yelling and screaming and that the baby is crying and whining. He gets to sleep in till whenever he wants to get up and when he gets up he lays on the couch and watches TV. If i say something to him that he doesn't like he freaks out and takes whatever i say the wrong way and puts words in my mouth. So i rarely say what i feel and just keep everything bottled up inside! I'm really at my wits end. I'm not sure how to deal with things anymore. All i want to do some days is just cry. I want to cry because i feel like a failure most days, like what am i doing wrong? and i really just a bad parent? Is it me or is it him? I feel like if he doesn't like what i'm doing with the kids then why doesn't he step in? He gets more frustrated than i do most times. I love him to death, and sometimes i just feel like hes here just cause of the kids, and not cause of me.
Ok well i actually feel a little better and have lots to do today, maybe make an apt this week to get some happy pills! lol well actually i dont think im joking about that.
well i hope everyone else is gonna have a good sunday, Im counting down till bedtime and school tmrw!
P.s. If this didnt make sense im sorry :/